A Coffee Chat & life update

I thought I’d take today to have a little virtual “coffee chat” if you will, and catch you up on with my life as of late… With the move coming up just this weekend, there is a lot on my mind!

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Let’s have a coffee chat

 

If we were having coffee

I’d tell you that I can’t believe I only have a few more days in PA. That I’m down to my last two days in the office, and that it still doesn’t feel real.

I’d also remind you of that time three weeks ago I was a hot mess. Three weeks ago I couldn’t stop myself from crying. Three weeks ago I was sad, anxious, and overwhelmed. Three weeks ago I couldn’t get a grip. But since three weeks have passed, I’d be able to tell you that more details of the move and life in general have been a little bit more solidified. And while of course some details are still not figured out entirely, I’ve been able to move past the uncertainty and focus on some of the the positives that come with being back in my home state…

 

If we were having coffee

I’d be excited to tell you I get to be close to my family. Be home for holidays, birthdays, more Fancy Fridays (it’s a thing we do), celebrations, etc. and it will be great 🙂

 

I no longer have to cry when saying “bye” to one of my best friends for fear of not knowing when we’d see each other next, because we’ll be in the same state again.

If we were having coffee

You could see my excitement when I tell you I get to enjoy Michigan summers filled with the lakes, going “up north”, and bonfires with s’mores. Of course the downside to that is that I will now also have to endure the crazy winter weather again… But you’d tell me to stick with the positives, right?

 

But I’ll be closer to my Canadian family which hopefully means more camping, more Toronto visits and spending time with some of my favorites.

 

If we were having coffee

I’d tell you I’m excited I finally get to share and test my recipes on my family instead of forcing relying on mostly Drew to try everything and give me feedback, but then ignoring said feedback when he says it’s not sweet enough… Now that I think about it this one could just as easily turn into a potential negative in which my family may think I will now be catering for gatherings, which is obviously not happening.

 

If we were having coffee

I’d tell you those are just some of the things I’ve been focusing on these past few weeks when anxiety and sadness start to creep in again. Up until last week, I honestly felt great. I was staying positive, thinking about all the fun things I get to do when I get back home. I was feeling really good. Drew and I have been talking on our commute to work every morning and there were several times I recall telling him I was feeling much better about everything and that I was ready.

 

If we were having coffee

I would tell you I took my final class at the gym last Thursday, and started saying goodbye to some of the members there. During the last high intensity track of BodyAttack I had to push back tears during high knees (a real pretty sight, I’m sure…) and try to make it through the final two tracks without losing it completely. When it came time to say goodbye to the instructor, the emotions came full force and the tears were a flowin’.

I started settling down over the weekend while packing up more boxes and cleaning. You’d think that would make me sad but it actually gave me a sense of calm again. Thankfully it was nice and sunny out, and I broke up my day by taking long walks in both the morning and in the afternoon.

Monday and Tuesday I was feeling pretty good… but then Wednesday happened, and it has hit me again. That gut-wrenching anxiety you feel deep in the pit of your stomach.

 

If we were having coffee

I would explain to you that this whole scenario would be different if I completely hated my job and the people I work with every day. But I don’t. I don’t hate my job, I don’t hate the people I work with. Some of these people are like family to me. And that is why it’s so tough and my emotions are all over the place. Of course moving back home was always going to be in the near future, but that’s not the point. It still sucks leaving the place and the people that have been in your life for the past four years. The people that have become your family away from home.

 

 

If we were having coffee

I would probably start crying (again) after taking my last sip and through the tears and hiccups I would agree with you that everything is going to be just fine. I would hug you goodbye and tell you I’m really looking forward to our date at Whole Foods next week.

 

what would you tell me if we were having coffee?

 

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Linking up with Amanda this Thursday for Thinking Out Loud.