Linking up with Amanda today
So hey guys. Hi. Hello. Haayyyy.
There’s been something I’ve wanted to share with you all for about a month now, but haven’t quite figured out how to go about it. And because Thursdays are for “Thinking out Loud” (even though this post is not silly or particularly fun I just have so much I’ve been thinking about I NEED TO GET IT OUT.) So I thought I’d give it a go…
Remember that one Friday (roughly a month ago) I said I was stressed like cray? Well, unfortunately not much has changed. Compared to last month I’m passed the point of being just “on the verge of tears” to full out tears. Tears out of nowhere. Ugly crying with lots of tears… Crying to coworkers… Crying on the phone with friends. I can’t stand it. I don’t like crying unless I am in the mood for a good cry during a movie (please tell me I’m not the only one who enjoys a good cry during a movie). I feel like I’ve cried more these past two months compared to all of 2015 combined. I don’t typically cry too much. But man my anxiety and emotions are all over the place these days.
So here’s the deal… Drew and I are moving back to Michigan. Yes, BACK to Michigan. Why is this a big deal? For those of you that don’t know (because I don’t like to disclose TOO much information straight up on the blog) we have lived in central PA for the past four years, and we moved here when I accepted a design position for a costume company after graduating from CMU. It was basically my dream job out of college. I grew up dancing at my mom’s dance studio, getting to flip through all of the dance costume catalogs every year, helping select some of the costumes when I got old enough. I actually interned with my company the summer before I graduated, and when a position opened up, I jumped at the opportunity, and of course was fortunate enough to be offered a design position. I kind of maybe sort of had to drag Drew out to PA with me, but I also told him I was going either way and if he wanted to do long distance, then so be it… but he came 🙂
And it’s been amazing out here in PA. I’ve grown a lot as a person and a designer with the company. I’ve gotten to travel across the country for my job. I’ve visited New York and Los Angeles several different times. I’ve seen Rhode Island, Boston, Portland… Not to mention all of the different places PA has to offer. The landscape and hills are very different compared to central Michigan where I grew up. And every day on my commute to work these past couple months I am reminded of that…
The lovely Susquehanna River (albeit dirty as can be) was a fun place for us to explore with the kayaks. And I drive over it every day.
Wine tasting with rolling hills in the distance. Memories of a friend’s bachelorette party where I tasted one too many, pet the farm animals as well as played with the electric fence (don’t worry, it didn’t hurt…)
My sisters have come out to visit multiple times. We played tourists with our parents and friends. Chocolate World (and the free ride) at Hershey Park was a “must see” to anyone that came to stay with us. (Because “it’s FO FREE”. Sorry, had to.)
Driving around Gettysburg, PA and the battlefields. Such a humbling place. I have a thing for history, I find it fascinating.
We went to Ocean City, Maryland and the beaches in Delaware, where Drew proposed (see now I am getting emotional again).
We did a houseboat long weekend vacation with friends here two years in a row. By far some of the best times we had during the summer.
We have made countless memories here in PA. And while of course we missed our families, and missed out on birthday celebrations, some holiday gatherings from time-to-time… PA was where Drew and I started out on our own. We began our life together here. We figured out how to live together and fought over how to load the dishwasher (mind you I didn’t grow up with a dishwasher, so why I thought I knew “the right way”. Hmm control freak much?…). We got on each other’s nerves. Then we got over it and learned to laugh at each other. We became our own little family. And we made some close friends too, and our work friends became like a part of our families.
After Drew and I got married last May, we started having a discussion about how much longer we’d be out in PA. We were sitting on the beach of Lake Michigan near Holland during our “honeymoon” getaway, wondering what it’d be like to be back… getting to visit the lake whenever we wanted. At the time I didn’t realize the opportunity would be so close. Fast forward nine months later and Drew accepted a job offer near Ann Arbor. What’s been especially tough about this move is that it has all happened rather quickly… and not all at once. What I mean by that is Drew has been back in Michigan since the beginning of March, while I have been out in PA continuing work with my company. So not only is there the stress of him not being here, but the uncertainty of what’s really next. Him looking for a place on his own, me having to be okay with what he finds.. OR us living between our parents’ houses while we search together. The unknown is what has been giving me anxiety and causing me so much stress I have been struggling with how to deal.
And of course while I am overall thrilled about this move… being closer to friends and families will be a great thing. But it is a much harder move than I originally thought it would be. But I also know it is the right thing to do. For both Drew and I… but it is hard. It is hard going back. Starting something new. Leaving a place where you realistically know going back is not in your future. Not that I even would necessarily want it to be. But just knowing that our time here in PA is done, and we are closing this chapter of our life now. It leaves me with an uncontrollable amount of tears. No matter how much happier I know we will both be in the end, I can’t help but feel so sad. There is an overflow of emotions that I just cannot seem to get a handle on. Every day is different. One day I am feeling good about everything. The next I am feeling overwhelmed and my anxious thoughts clouding my positive ones. I don’t think being here on my own has helped… Drew and I are used to traveling for work and being apart. But this time is different. I’ve missed making desserts for him. And getting feedback on my recipes. Talking about the things he says in my posts… Our Netflix couch time. The Hershey Pantry dinners. It’s getting warm enough now where I would drag him to the rail trails and we’d go for bike rides. I miss having him tell me I need to take a blogging break…
Which is actually what I’ll be doing a bit this next month. While juggling working full-time and the blog, I kind of have to make packing up our place a priority. He took some stuff back with him when he moved, but realistically he could only take so much back. So I’ll need to take some down time here over the next few weeks. I’ve asked some great friends to help me out with posting on the blog, so I can’t wait to share their content with you. The first one is coming up later next week, which I am super excited about.
I would have loved to turn this post into some little lesson of how to deal stress, manage anxiety… “5 things to do to alleviate stress during big life changes”… HA, well the truth of the matter is that I am not there yet. I’ve been eating not-so-great on the weekends, trying to muster up the energy for good workouts, (thankfully Beverley has my back with her amazing upcoming eBook that I’ve been following, more to come on that in April!) and because of the stress combined with some poor diet choices, I feel like I am gaining weight which is probably adding even more stress. So YEAH. I’m definitely not leading any lesson plans here. I feel like I am a student in the back of classroom just doodling and not paying attention at all…
Wow, this post has turned into quite a lengthy one. Sorry for the rambling parts, and thanks for sticking with me. Maybe by sharing this little tidbit of my life here I can start to feel better about what’s to come… I’m afraid to read over again for fear of breaking into tears for the bagillionth time. So if you see any typos (*ahem* Pal…) just ignore. (Actually Pal if you can send me the corrections, that’d be great 😉 )
I may have not made any sense to you… but for those that have dealt with this type of move (or even those that have not…)
I’d love to hear from you
Thoughts, advice, words of encouragement are all appreciated.
And like I’ve said before, I know I’ll look back on this and laugh at how out of sorts I became… but right now I just can’t seem to help it!
Dietitian Jess says
First time reading your blog- found it from the link and I totally hear you. My husband and I are currently living in Philly but we just started job searching in Pittsburgh and likely one of us will get a job first and have to move without the other one. The move is to be closer to my family (something we knew was always on the agenda as we get closer to having kids and etc.) but leaving behind a city I’ve lived in for most of my adult life and made so many friends will be tough. Though we have kind of just started I know a lot of emotional and tough times lay ahead of us. Feel free to reach out <3 (Also I lived in central PA for 4 years during college so I'll have to check out some of your central PA adventures!) Good luck with everything, sending lots of hugs your way!
Ashley says
Ah Jess thank you so much for taking the time to stop by and share. 100% to “something we knew was always on the agenda” Yes, it was always going to be on the agenda, but what hit me was how fast it happened. And then of course the separate move and not having a true plan in place for how everything was going to happen. But I hope your move goes smoothly as well, and thank you again! It means a ton <3
Marina @ A Dancer's Live-It says
I think it’s wonderful that you’re leaving PA with a positive mindset and remembering all of the wonderful times you’ve had. The stress will disappear eventually, but just remember to be kind to yourself during this moving process. Yeah I understand about the not-so-great eating on the weekend, but it’s okay! Listen to your body and mind 🙂 Maybe take some time every night to be with yourself and meditate or do some self-care: massages, baths, painting your nails, etc. Treat yoself! <3 Wishing you all the best Ashley!!
Ashley says
Thank you Marina! You are too kind.
Sam @ PancakeWarriors says
Well I wish I had advice but I’m the worst about making huge life decisions and I haven’t had the courage to move away from the city I’ve grown up in because of it. Dave and I are starting to get a little more serious about what the 5 year plan looks like and moving is probably going to be in that plan. Scary!! But you got this girl. You have all your blogging friends to support you no matter where you go and you made some great friends in new parts of the county. You will be surprised where that takes you later in life!! Best of luck getting through the next month. But I know you got this!
Ashley says
Oh Sam you don’t give yourself enough credit! You just made a huge life decision not too long ago with your blog and training! There is definitely something to be said about that. But thank you so much for your support! All you blogging ladies are wonderful <3
Brie @ Lean, Clean, & Brie says
No advice from me as I have ever been in the same situation, but I do think you will appreciate the move in the long run. I know for my brother, after moving away out of college and missing out on holidays and celebrations was really hard on him since he wanted to be home for everything but the distance made it too far. I think that you will really be happy to be closer to home, once all the stress is gone of course. Sending nothing but positive vibes your way!
Ashley says
Yes, moving away and missing holidays and celebrations is totally tough. We made an effort to drive back for as many holidays as we could. But it definitely added a level of stress to it all. Being closer will be nice. Thank you Brie! We’ll have to meet up for coffee or tea sometime 🙂
Kat says
When it comes to making big decisions like this, its really all about talking it over with your significant other. It sounds like you both pondered and discussed to the full extent the move – which in my eyes means you guys are totally making the right decision here! My husband and I moved roughly 6 months ago – away from family, friends, our church, my job – and its been the best thing EVER for us. Im excited for you guys!
Ashley says
Thank you Kat! We are definitely making the right decision. Moving is hard but we will get through it.
Pal says
😀 love you, boo.
Ashley says
<3 :-D ly LTF
Courtney Hovey says
CANNOT WAIT FOR YOUR BUTT TO MOVE HOME TO MICHIGAN!! LOVE YOU MY SISTER <3
Ashley says
🙂 lol love youuuuu
Sarah says
Wow reading this post could not have come at a better time. I’m going through some very similar things right now and it’s definitely stressful. Thank you for sharing this- it helps knowing others are in a similar place.
Christina says
My goodness. All I can say is I totally get how you feel. That’s exactly what gives me anxiety – not knowing what lies ahead. I am SUCH a planner, I have to have a routine and have to know what is coming, or else I am a ball of stress. I try to always remember that everything happens for a reason. This was put in your path for a reason, now what can you take away from it? Here for you girl <3 Thanks for being candid!
Ashley says
I am definitely trying to constantly remind myself of that as well “everything happens for a reason”. My mantra for these next couple months 🙂 Thank you Christina! <3
Leah @ Grain Changer says
GIRL, I TOTALLY FEEL YOU. Transition is NEVER, EVER easy, and if you’re like me, uncertainty can be so anxiety producing that it’s crippling. We just moved to Philly from DC where almost ALL of our best friends are and my husband’s family is as well, for a new job for him. I can’t remember ever being that anxious – not even when I was facing moving to Nicaragua for over a year! – but you know what? This move has been the best thing that has ever happened to us. We are thriving – our marriage is thriving, our jobs are thriving, and we’re getting to have this wonderful adventure that we’d never have otherwise. It’s pushing us, stretching us, and we’ve grown from it so much already. I’ll be thinking of you during this hard time, but take solace in the fact that you’ll look back on this period and wonder why you were so anxious and worried in the first place. Everything will work out perfectly! In the mean time, do what you need to do to take care of yourself without apologizing for it, and know that I am here for you if you need anything! 🙂
Ashley says
Ah Leah that is great for you guys! That is how it felt when Drew and I moved out to PA. It took us a while to figure some things out together, but overall it has made us so much stronger. And I do know there will be a time (probably in the not-so-distant future even) that I’ll be able to laugh at myself for being so worried. I truly appreciate you taking the time to share Leah. I’ll be sure to be in touch if I need anything, THANK YOU <3
Megan @ Skinny Fitalicious says
Honestly I would be stressed too if I had as much going on as you do. You’re handling it better than you think though! Give yourself so credit lady. Feel free to reach out if you need some blog help!
Ashley says
Megan thank you SO much I truly appreciate that. 🙂
KJ | omnomherbivore says
When I left Michigan for the West it was a very similar emotional ride. I had given up on the idea when an opportunity came along. Then as the deliberation went on for 2 weeks: one day we’d be convinced we were going for sure and the next day we weren’t. So many emotions! Then 4 weeks after the opportunity presented itself we were moved into our new place out west. I still miss those Michigan lakes and Autumn season from time to time.. I hope your move goes smoothly and, as you already know. Ann arbor is an awesome place, especially for a foodie like you 🙂
Ashley says
The West side of the country is certainly a different kind of beauty 🙂 Ann Arbor will be good, except we’re Spartan fans… 😉 Thank you for your support KJ!
Beverley @ Born to Sweat says
Ahhhh Ashley, both so happy and sad for you after reading this! Saying goodbye to a city is by far one of the hardest things to do. Especially since you and Drew have so many incredible memories there. It always helps me to think that it’s never really goodbye forever, it’s just another time in your life for a change to come.
Good luck with the packing and I can’t wait to read your guest posts 🙂
Lots of love sent your way!!! xxx
Ashley says
Thank you for being positive for me and your words of encouragement Beverley. That is a good a way to look at it 🙂
Georgie says
Ahh wish I could run over there and give you a hug. Moving and transitions can be so stressful especially if you don’t have your partner by your side. You’re definitely taking the right move to step back a little from blogging. As joyful as it can be it really is so time and energy consuming and moving just takes SO much out of you physically and mentally. Wishing you nothing but the best during this transition. xo
Ashley says
Ah thank you Georgie! That means a ton <3
Emilie @ Emilie Eats says
Ashley, I applaud your honesty and vulnerability. I can only imagine the stress you’re under right now and I hope with all my heart that everything works out well for you! We’ve got your back, girl. <3
Ashley says
Aw thank you Emilie! I’m so thankful for you BGB ladies and having my back. It wouldn’t be the same without you 🙂
Miranda says
You are amazing! I can’t even compose a coherent text when I’m stressed (always), but you put into words the mix of emotions that are possible with a big life change. Can’t wait to have you back home, but that houseboat was fun. Love you!
Ashley says
I can’t wait to use your kitchen… my plan is now complete. JK… but not really. 🙂 Love you Ran, can’t wait to snuggle 😀
Doreen says
I wish I could give you a great big hug now. You are such an amazing young woman, smart, beautiful and talented. It’s wonderful how you and Drew have had such great opportunities, fun, and have grown so much in your marriage while in PA.
Things happen for a reason and where one door closes, so many great doors open. Moving is difficult and change can be hard but the two of you are amazing and Drew loves you so much.
It will be so terrific to have the two of you back home. Michigan is a beautiful place; with lots of family and friends awaiting you.
Pray and expect great things to happen. See you soon, love you!!!
jill conyers says
I love to move. If it were up to me I’d move every 3-5 years. Yes, it can be hard but it’s like hitting the life refresh button. New people, adventures, places, things. You’re going to do great!
Ashley says
I can definitely see that Jill! I think if it were financially possible and made sense to move a lot, I wouldn’t mind it. I do love traveling and being in new places. And I guess you’d get used to not being able to accumulate a lot of “stuff”.
Since we’re going back to our home state, I’ve already told Drew we’re playing tourist this summer and seeing places we haven’t been in Michigan yet. 😉 Thank you for your support Jill!
Davida @ The Healthy Maven says
Sending you lots of love and support babes! A year from now when you’re all settled in Mich this will all feel like a blur. Time is funny like that. Hang in there, lady! You got this.
Ashley says
Thank you for your support Davida! Time IS funny like that. Looking forward to this summer where our paths hopefully cross and chocolate and coffee are involved 😀
Erin @ The Almond Eater says
I think what you’re feeling is completely normal and I know that if (ahem…..when) we ever leave Pittsburgh, I’m going to be the exact same way. It’s ok to feel like a hot mess and I have a feeling that once you’re all settled into your new place, you will feel quite literally at home. There will be a transition period of course, but in time it’ll all feel right because–corny but true–everything happens for a reason.
Ashley says
I agree everything happens for a reason. Definitely my mantra these next couple months while sorting everything out. <3
P.S. so thankful for our coffee date and glad we got to meet! 😀
Pragati // Simple Medicine says
Change is never easy. It’s a fight between what you have and what you could have. I know what you’re going through (I felt it when I left Seattle) and I want you to know that everything will be okay 🙂 Hang in there. Eat chocolate. Spend as much time grieving the changes as you need to. It’s all a part of growing. Sending you lots of love!
Ashley says
Aw thank you so much for your kind words Pragati. They mean more than you know <3
Jenn - a traveling Wife says
It will all be over before you know it. I left MI in 2011 and have since lived in CA, IN, and now MD. Everyone’s move is different. But if it makes you feel any better, we typically only have 30 -40 days between our moves to wrap things up and find a new dwelling. It’s stressful but fun in the end. Also, one of us got a job offer near Grand Rapids recently. It’s still on the table but we haven’t decided yet what is best for us. 🙂
Ashley says
Oh man Jenn that is intense! I guess you get used to it? But that is exciting to hear about Grand Rapids. You’ll have to give me an update if you guys decide you’re moving there!
Kristy @ Southern In Law says
How exciting for you guys! Home really is where the heart is and it sounds like you’re moving back right where that is! xo
Ashley says
It is 🙂 Thank you Kristy!
Hannah says
We had a similar situation last year – we planned to move for me to start grad school in the fall, then my husband got a job offer and they wanted him there asap, so he had to move on two weeks’ notice and I stayed behind another month. Everything about this is stressful – your reactions are totally normal!
Tip: bribe your friends to feed you dinner by bringing dessert. Kinda joking but….I did this a couple times. Food becomes hard when your house is packing chaos and you’re trying not to buy groceries because you’re about to move.
Ashley says
Ah wow very similar! Thank you for making me feel normal Hannah, lol. And I will definitely have to take your advice on bribing friends. Dessert is my specialty.
Jess @hellotofit says
That is a LOT of stress for you to be going through! Firstly, HUGS. It’s hard to get used to living in one place, and then knowing that you have to move to another. Not only that, but he has been away! THAT is hard, too. Not the same circumstances, but Ray and I were long distance for his first year of medical school, and it was not fun.
Although I haven’t been in your position, I hope you know that you’ve got a huge support system here, and that you’ll get through it!! You and Drew will get to live your cute lives in the same household again, you’ll be settled in, and back on the blogging grind 😉 XOXOXO
Ashley says
Thank you SO much Jess. Just meeting up with Drew this weekend helped put me back in good spirits. I love this community so much and am so thankful for everyone’s support. You peeps are thee best <3
Lauren | Just a Pinch says
Hey lady! I wanted to chime in say, first of all, thank you for being so brave and putting yourself out there! I’ve had my fair share of crying fits, but have never been brave enough to share them on the interwebs – so thank you! Your story sounds similar to my move from DC to Seattle. I knew that leaving DC would likely mean that I would never be back…or at least not for a long time. While I was excited for the new adventure, moving to a new city was/is REALLY hard. It took me a solid 1-2 years to build a foundation and a tribe in DC, and I was scared to do it all over again. My best piece of advice is to allow yourself time to be sad. It’s ok to cry. Allow yourself the chance to be sad. But also remember that as scary as new adventures can be, change is always, always scary. (And really rewarding!) I’ll be thinking about you these next couple of weeks. XO girlfriend!
Ashley says
Aw thank you sooo much Lauren! And thank you for sharing, it def feels good to know I am not alone in this journey! <3
Chrissa - Physical Kitchness says
Hugs hugs hugs my friend! So much change can be so overwhelming. But you are rocking it, (even through the tears, sometimes tears are necessary!) Deep breaths. Everything will work out just as it should!
Ashley says
Thank you Chrissa! <3
masala girl says
well that is a LOT to go through. tears are okay, it sounds hard and tough. looks like things are on the upswing though ! keep your chin up, you’ll be in Mich soon and all the fuss will be over <3
Ashley says
Aw thank you, Priya! They are definitely on the upswing for sure 🙂 Thank you again for your kind words.
Lynn @ Fresh April Flours says
Worry, worry, worry. It’s hard NOT to worry and be anxious and question everything about new things… But you’re going to do GREAT. I’m so sorry we never got to get together while you were still here, but I hope you’ll come back to visit and maybe we can get together then! Best of luck, girlfriend! You’ve got a world of support right here for ya!
Ashley says
Aw thanks so much Lynn! I wish we could have gotten together too, things happened much faster than expected! I’m sure I’ll be back at some point. And if not then, hey maybe a future food blogger conference?! 😉 <3 Thanks again for your kind words and support!
Amanda DeWitt says
Oh girl I SO get moving back home. I felt so adult for living in a different state and moving back home (in with our parents, separately) felt like a big demotion. It really is a stressful thing–moving alone is stressful!! Especially when you’re a stress-prone person. Seriously feel free to message me anytime for support.
And of course it will get better (but it doesn’t always help to hear that HA)
*virtual hugs and mucho empathy*
Cassie Autumn Tran says
Sometimes you need a blog post of brutal honesty. It can be cliche to give tips or a moral after every story–in reality, people just want to relate to others. Just remember that time will heal itself and you can get through anything if you just remain positive!
Ashley says
Thanks so much for your kind words Cassie! 🙂